Pretty Princesses and Barbie Dolls -
Top 5 ways to avoid gender stereotyping young girls.
When I was
young, I can remember going to the playground to play basketball with my
brother. I loved playing basketball, in fact, I enjoyed most sports. One day
when my brother and I were playing basketball, two boys approached my brother
to ask if we wanted to play against them. One of them said (to my brother), “Do
you and your little brother want to play against us?” My brother and I looked
at each other and then back at the boys and said, “Sure”. I don’t think we ever corrected them – never
said, actually I am his sister…that’s right, a girl who happens to play
basketball! It just seemed easier in that moment to be a boy. That way I didn’t
have to explain myself or listen to boys joke about how they “lost to a girl”.
I could just be one of the guys.
Looking
back, it was not that I identified more with boys than girls. I loved being a
girl…still do. It was just that I didn’t like the things that girls were
“suppose to” like. I remember getting
Barbie dolls and then pretending to blow them up with my brother’s G.I. Joe
figurines. I didn’t like to wear dresses
or have my hair done. At recess all the boys would be playing “wall ball” (a
game where you hit a tennis ball against the wall with your hand) and the girls
would usually just watch them play – or jump with skipping ropes. I wanted to
play wall ball – that seemed like a lot more fun than just sitting on the side
lines.
Boys always
seemed to be having more fun. It was more acceptable for boys to get dirty and
play rough with each other. They played cops and robbers and capture the flag,
while girls just seemed to sit and talk (usually about boys). Of course not all
girls just sat around chatting – this just happened to be the group of girls
that I was friends with.
Now that I
have my own child, I worry about her feeling limited by her gender. I worry
that she won’t feel comfortable doing what she wants – because it is something
that “boys” do.
The world
has changed a lot since I was young and gender roles have changed along with it
– but those messages are still out there - the messages that tell children that
if you are a girl you should like pink dresses and princesses…and if you
are a boy you should like trucks and superheroes.
About a
month ago I went to a department store looking to buy Finley (my daughter) her
first bike. Going into the bicycle section I was a little overwhelmed by how
many bikes there were to choose from.
I noticed a
sign that was meant to help you choose the “right” bike for your child. The
sign read, “How to choose a bike for a girl – girls want a bike that is pretty
and fun.” Further down on the sign it read, “How to choose a bike for a boy –
boys want a bike that is tough and can handle all their adventures.” That sign
was sending a pretty clear message about what is expected of girls and of boys.
(If you follow me on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ProfessorMom – you may
have already heard that story).
I was so
upset by the sign that I immediately left the store. How is it that in 2013 we
still have messages like these? Girls are pretty and boys are tough. Girls sit
on the sidelines and boys are in the game – it reminded me of school days
watching “wall ball” and wishing that I could play.
So, as a
parent – how do I teach Finley that there is no expectation on her to be pretty
and sweet? It is not that I want her to reject all things feminine…I simply
want her to know that it is her choice.
It is not her parent’s choice or her friend’s choice – and not society’s
choice either. It is her choice. She gets to choose how she wants to be in this
world. If she wants to wear dresses and paint her nails, fine by me. If she
wants to wear a blue polo shirt and play with trucks, fine by me. This can be difficult when society still
thinks they have the right to define who you are by your gender.
I saw this
very helpful guide recently on how to choose the proper toys for girls and
boys.
Hopefully
you find it useful:
Ok…seriously
though. What can we do to support the uniqueness in each of our children and
stop defining them by their gender? I have come up with a Top 5 list.
Top 5 ways to
avoid gender stereotyping young girls.
1) Choose toys based on your child’s interests, age and developmental level
– not their gender.
As the guide above so conveniently pointed out – toys are toys. They are
meant for all genders. Do not limit your child to toys that are advertised for
boys or girls. Let your children be
involved in the process, you might be surprised at what they would choose to
play with if they are not limited to “girls” toys or “boys” toys.
*When you are shopping for things for your children to play with, avoid
going to toy stores that have their stores divided by girls and boys toys (ex.
Toys R Us). This just causes confusion and reinforces gender-stereotyping.
2) Avoid complementing your children on how they look, based on their gender. How many times have you heard someone say,“You are such a pretty princess!” to a young girl. Children love to have our attention
and will soak up all the compliments they can.
It is wonderful to compliment your children, but focus more on what they do as a posed to how they look. If we
compliment them on how they look with phrases like the one mentioned above,
this sends subtle messages to them that a girl’s role is to be pretty and sweet. If we compliment them on what they do, "Look at how high you built that tower" - it sends messages that they are capable and smart.
3)
Read books and watch videos that show
men and women in “non-traditional” roles. It is important that we as parents don’t reinforce gender-stereotypes
by reading books and watching television shows that always show men and women
in specific roles. If we read books where boys are the ones playing with cars
and girls are the ones playing with Barbie dolls – we are reaffirming those messages that this is the expectation…really what we are doing is subtly
programming them to act and behave a certain way based on their gender. A good book to read, if you haven't already is “The Paper Bag
Princess” by Robert Munsch.
4)
Choose clothes based on practicality
and durability, rather than how “pretty” or “handsome” your child will look in
them. This is a hard
one, because society puts so much pressure on parents to dress their children a
certain way. We want our children to look nice and of course we want them to
“fit in” – but sometimes “fitting in” is more about “blending in” instead of
standing out. We want our children to stand out – but not so far that they are
teased or bullied. This can be a fine line.
My advice…let your children wear what they want to wear. We always give
our daughter a choice between many different outfits – some are more “boyish”
and others are more “girly”. We don’t buy anything that is pink and frilly –
nothing too over the top. Then we just let it be up to her.
5)
Be aware of your own views on what
roles men and women should have. This is a big one! I remember working at a childcare centre
many years ago and there was a little boy there that loved dressing up. He
would carry around purses and wear jewelry, and would often put on dresses and
princess costumes. One of the days when he was dressed particularly fancy
(dress, purse, necklace, long gloves and a crown) his father arrived to pick
him up. Well, he got so upset that his son was wearing “girls” clothes that he
started an argument with the teacher and said that his son was not allowed to
dress like that. Seems a bit extreme…but we all have our own views about what
roles men and women should have. Think about where those views come from and
try not to impose those views on your children – unless your views allow your
children to express themselves in whatever way they want…regardless of gender.
I personally
don’t believe that we need to try and raise all of our children “genderless” –
like some people have tried to do…
That
just puts the pressure on our children to change the views of our society.
It
is our job as parents to give our children the freedom to be themselves, dress
how they want and play with whatever toys they like.
I
want Finley (our daughter) to know that she can be whatever she wants to be –
and that she is in no way limited by her gender...she could even change the world!
2) The way that you behave has so much power that
you can change holiday traditions.
